Life choices

I have made some really bad choices.

Done things that I will regret forever.

I have certain dark secrets. Things that I just want to bury in my past and never have to think about them again. These are one of those things nobody knows, things that I keep stored inside.

But I have learned to live life beyond all that hassle and confusion. All those experiences and mistakes are what make me what I am today; the girl that he loves so irrevocably.
By just being aware of the fact about how much he cares, makes me want to forget everything and devote my everything to this boy. Because at the end of the day, he deserves it. Every single moment that I spend loving him, he deserves every tiny bit. He makes me want to believe in the purity of life again, believe in things that I’ve been ignoring. He makes me fee like I’m the most beautiful person he has ever come across and that I am nothing but a pure blessing to him.

There and just by saying those things and standing right in front of me with that smile to die for, he takes my breath away.

Yea, I’ve made horrible choice but everybody has their share of regrets right?

I think I’ve finally made the most craziest and best choice of my life and now there is no looking back because this is worth fighting for. I know I’ll never have to question myself ever again. He’ll be there with me through it all because all we have is each other. I am going to do every possible thing on this planet to make this happen because you’re worth every struggle and every battle that I will have to face.

It all comes down to these 3 simple but powerful words :

I Love You.

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Forgiveness?

We talk about forgiveness as a big word with a deep meaning. When we say that we have forgiven someone, we usually think ourselves to be superior and mature. But is that really what forgiveness is about? About being the bigger person and letting go?

It really isn’t, but that’s what we want the entire world think of us including the person we apparently just forgave. When we lose something that meant something to us, it leaves a sort of a mark on us regardless the intensity of the issue. However trivial the reason for them betraying our trust might be, it defies whatever we believed in them. We hold certain things to be true for each and every encounter we make in our lives and it tends to have an impact on us if one of those things turn out be incorrect. What really makes us forgive is not the fact that we are saint like people with saint like behavior, it’s the fact that maybe forgiving them relieves us from the torture of thinking that we were wrong. It is to do with us forcing ourselves to believes that they fell out of the wagon and its not our fault that we thought of them in a certain way. Or maybe we are too weak to stay without the presence of that person, maybe we are too easy to convince or maybe we are too weak to not look past the mistakes. To my knowledge, nobody really forgives in the true sense because you can never let go of something that has hurt you, you can never let go of something that changed the way you look at something, something that changed your beliefs and more importantly you can never let go of something that turned your entire life around.

So now try convincing me that you honestly meant it when you said you forgave them.

 

 

Change.

Let us talk about a topic that we all ignore most of the times.
It’s called ‘letting go of what is not ours.’
This topic varies from letting go of our old stuff toys to letting go of our feelings for our ex.

We human beings have a tendency to make up excuses only because we don’t want to be proven wrong and this often leads to confusion, misunderstandings and lots of over-thinking.
“Oh my god, he still wants to talk to me and hang out. I don’t think he is over me, I still might have a chance with him”
Yea, that’s what MOST of  us think inside our little confused head, when reality might be the exact opposite.
All those things you make up in your head, all those imaginary smiles and feelings your ex still might have for you that do not let you move on.
No, that’s not your fault because that’s just in our nature. It is a part of us, over-thinking and hoping that what we feel is right.
You know why this happens?
Because we are scared that reality might be too harsh for us to handle and we might be left out, vulnerable.
We’re afraid that now things won’t go the way it was planned in our heads and that everything will change.

Change.
Many of us talk about it like its something that we do on a daily basis and that it is such an easy task.
Well, the truth is that half of us don’t even know what it actually means.
We are so busy planning on how to ‘change’ things that in the process we actually forget the main aim.
Most of us are actually afraid of change.
Some of us are honest about it while the rest are hiding it inside.
I don’t see anything unusual in that because we get used to a certain kind of pattern and if all of a sudden there is a diversion, we are not able to predict the outcome and this makes us feel vulnerable.
Nobody wants to feel vulnerable because that makes us weak.
But you know, change is actually good because now you know how things could be if you do it a different way.
If it wasn’t a good change then you are now 100% sure that your previous method was better and you can go on with the old one with full confidence having no second thoughts about it.
Yes, I know it is much easier said than done but why not give it a shot?
There is nothing to lose here and if things do get lost then you know that they were never meant to be yours.
Why prolong something that was going to happen anyway?

So if you’re sitting there worrying about what that text message that your ex boyfriend/girlfriend sent you means, I say why not find out?
If you don’t have the courage then let it go because it isn’t the end of the world, the Mayan calendar was wrong about 2012.

Letting go is actually much easier than dragging things and killing yourself from inside in the process.
Are you afraid of something that you haven’t even tried?

Note to my best girl friend

Have you ever thought about who your real friends are?

Like the friends who will actually miss you when you’re out of sight.
Those who know exactly what you feel like who read you like a storybook they’ve read a million times.
Those who know what exactly to say at what situation.
Those who have been by your side in every situation and every problem you’ve had to deal with.
Like those who cry when they see you cry and hug you and not say a word because a hug is all you need sometimes.
Those who have handled you when you were just a horrible mess.
Those who have been proud of your every achievement.
Those who literally know every single thing about you.
Those who go shopping with you, lunch dates, dinner dates, movie dates, ice-cream dates and everything.
That person that your entire family has met and also has to deal with your annoying sibling.
Last but not the least, that person to whom you just cannot lie to about ANYTHING.

If you have someone who has done all those above things with you then you’re as lucky as me.
Because I got lucky and met the most adorable girl I’ve ever come across. I will not be able to thank her enough for just being there with me.
Because I’m just a plain drama queen and I crave attention. She sort of calms me down and brings me down to earth.

All in all, she makes me a better person.
I love you, Sana.
I know I suck at making promises but I will keep this one, I’ll always come to you whenever I have to whine about anything.
Even if I’m going to be a country away, I’ll annoy you because that’s us.
Nobody will ever take your place.
I promise.
Oh and she isn’t just a friend, she’s way more.

sana

Preconceived notions

So what are preconceived notions?
This is what google has to say,”an opinion formed beforehand without adequate evidence or a personal belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty.”
In simple words, it is called, “Judging people for no apparent reason.”

Trust me, that is not all it is.
Because of these notions, people are confined to such boundaries and gates that they never even think of doing things that they actually want to do.
Okay so for example let’s take this really hot girl/boy in your school that you really have a major crush on.
You’re scared to go up to her/him and be friends because you don’t want to come off as weird and desperate.
So what do you do? You sit at home and stalk them on facebook or instagram and drool over them behind your computer screen.
That person might as well just be an amazing friend and you might just click with him/her.
How will you ever know if you don’t try?

You worry about what people are going to say about your dress. In your head you’re like,” Do I look too slutty?”
“Is my makeup too much?”
“Do I look too fat?”
“Why is that guy staring at me?”
I am saying this all out of personal experience because this is exactly what goes on in my head before I step out for a party.
You know why this happens?
Because there are people in this world who are just plain rude, who believe in not letting people be happy.
When you hear comments like,”She looked so fat in that dress” or  “Her face is filled with pimples, you can literally play dots and boxes”
You start worrying about how you look, over excessively worry.
Or you get called names like a black buffalo or a fat cow and all that other bullshit.
OH, so that was a joke and I shouldn’t take it personally?
Okay so, I’ll just punch you right in the face for fun.
I mean, come on don’t take it personally.

But you know what?
Over the years, I have learned to accept myself and my beauty, flaws.
Wait what flaws?
No, those aren’t my flaws.
They are characteristics that separate me from the rest of the world.
By just accepting yourself, you have already defeated 3/4th of the world because now people can’t hurt you when it comes to your looks.
Since, you think you are beautiful, you are never going to settle for anything less.
There, you’ve just solved all your problems.

Confidence is the most beautiful characteristic of a person, this itself makes you attractive.
Do something for yourself, don’t waste all that intelligence you have just because some boy/girl won’t date you.
I mean if they don’t see your beautiful self, how will you ever be happy with them?
If you don’t speak for yourself, then who will?

If you don’t think you’re beautiful, then how do you expect somebody else to find you beautiful?
So smile, because you’re the most beautiful person you know.

Mistakes.

Okay so all of us have that one person that we regret dating or regret being with.
so let’s talk about that a little bit here.

Remember when you thought that he/she was the only one and you would never find anyone half as good as him/her?
And how did that turn out?

Not quite so good, I’m guessing because otherwise you wouldn’t still be reading this post.

All those times when he/she made you feel super special and made you feel like that everything was great and perfect and all that other crap.
All he did was just to make you happy and to make sure everything was your way.
Then all of a sudden, he doesn’t care anymore.
Oh and his excuse being that ‘he can’t see you hurting anymore and he is confused about what this is and that he needs sometime to sort things out’
There, he ends everything like that.

Life isn’t a fairytale and he clearly wasn’t your prince.
He’d go around hurting you but then come running back to you saying he’s sorry and he never meant to hurt you and all that.
If he cared about you so much, why did he hurt you in the first place?
MAYBE, because you don’t matter to him as much he does to you.
I know it is bloody difficult to digest that fact and think that everything he said or did was a lie.
You tried making things better and it didn’t work out because he says that he just isn’t that interested in you anymore.
But babe, he is just a good actor and you fell for it.
It wasn’t your fault so don’t try to blame yourself for things you never did.

Soon enough you know that he is going out with someone else or he’s flirting with someone else or just you know, doing his thing.
At that moment, you should realize how much of a waste of time he was.
Yea nothing else but just a waste of your precious time.
He didn’t deserve any of the love that you gave him, none at all.

Now that you have finally moved on with your life and you’re happy, he’s pretending as if he never met you or acts as if you don’t exist?
Or he is insulting you behind your back and telling his friends that you were the mistake?
Don’t worry, that’s just his way of showing how much he misses you and how much he wants you back.
He knows since that isn’t going to happen then why to let people know that he was the one at fault.
Offense is the best kind of defense.

Because whether you be kind to someone or be rude, its all going to come back to you, one day or the other.
Believe in yourself and believe that whatever happens, happens for the best.
Thank god, you got out of it at least.
It is better late, than never right?

Oh and now when he comes around apologizing, gently smile and tell him that you are not that interested in him anymore and that you have got your priorities straight and fortunately he isn’t one of them.
Tough luck.
Because mistakes like him teach you a lesson and it makes you a better person.
Now you have one moron less in your life.
How is that a bad thing?

Distance…

long-distance-relationship

 

Long distance relationship sucks?

It is really difficult isn’t it?

You miss the touch, the feeling when he touches your hand and your stomach has got the butterflies running  a circus inside. The feeling when you see him across the street, slowly walking towards you with that smile you had fallen for so hard . The tight hug he gives you and the kisses he gives you making you feel like you are probably the luckiest girl to be living on this planet.

No, nothing on this planet is going to ever replace that. Nothing that will ever fill that place in your heart. Nothing you feel is going to be equal to the feeling of being in his arms.

It is very easy for people to say that you are going to meet him in a couple of months or eventually you will meet him so don’t worry. Well, it is easier said than to be done. Who will fill that emptiness you feel right now in your heart? How long can you feel strong and hold on to that date to when you are going to see him? What about all the days when you just want him to be there and hold you tight and make you feel like everything is going to be alright?

Is all that easy?

Well, let me tell you something : it’s NOT.

Times when all you want to do is sit in a corner and think about him and all your moments together. No, do not mistaken me for being depressed. There is a difference between missing someone and being depressed. Yes, you continue taking a day one by one as it comes and you step out of your little world in which you are with him and smile. Pretend that you are holding it all together when deep inside you are lost and confused and don’t know what to do to make it alright.

You wait hours and hours by the phone and dreaming about what he would be doing right now.
“Why hasn’t he called yet?”
Is he really that busy?Or is his phone not working?

Maybe, he forgot to call me.

Doesn’t he miss me?

Is he okay?

You ask yourself all those questions a million times and hoping you’d get a reply, but it is all in vain. You get up and walk trying to shake it all of and put it all together.
The nights are the worst.
You just lay there, frozen not wanting to move and then slowly a tear trickles down your cheek.
You are thinking of the first day you saw him, the first time you spoke, the first smile you had when you realized that this boy was much more than friend to you, the moment when you came to know that he felt the same way about you, the first date and finally your first kiss.
They all run by in your mind like a movie in parts.
You smile thinking about the times when he surprised you and when he has been in that naughty mood to trouble you.
You think about all the times you have lied to people just to make time for him, to probably just go for a walk with him holding your hand.
While everything is just all over your mind you somehow just fall asleep and wake up to a new day to take on the challenges you are going to face.

You see your phone light up and you run to pick it up.
There, your world is in its place and you are oblivious to all your surroundings.
You heart beats fast and you shriek out of happiness.

He is alright and he misses you.
He loves you.

That’s enough for you to hold on tight.